what should you not say to someone with anxiety

What’s one thing someone has said to you in regards to your anxiety that really bothered you? Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. Individual cases vary by anxiety/discomfort level, ability to challenge or ignore the thoughts, and the road to recovery is different for everyone. You really can't "just get over it. We created Right as Rain to serve as a resource to connect you with health and wellness information you can trust from researchers, healthcare providers and faculty from UW Medicine and the University of Washington. ", In an attempt to calm an anxious person's worry, you might also feel tempted to say "it's all in your head." Be compassionate with … 1. If an anxious friend decides to confide in you, it’s important to respond in a way that offers support and doesn’t minimize their experience. Implying the anxious person is a coward or a wimp makes them feel shamed and misunderstood." Focus on validation and hopeful comments. Meditation and yoga and deep breathing and all of the other anti-anxiety trends that have taken pop culture by storm might be helpful for some people, maybe even your ultra-anxious friend. You might not be able to tell by looking at me (or anyone! While you mean well, and only want to commiserate, this can come off as a pretty big insult. RELATED: The 5 Types of Anxiety Disorders You Need to Know About "Suck it up." things you should never say to someone with anxiety, simply reassure them that you're available, hard for people that have never experienced it to understand, difficult for someone who has anxiety to see that, their behaviors may be seem strange to you, someone with anxiety can't just magically feel better, twice as likely to develop drug and alcohol addiction problems, invalidate someone's experience with anxiety, licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD. "Forcing someone with an anxiety disorder to face their fears has the ability to make things much worse," Jackson says. © Rachel Gulotta Photography / Stocksy United. "But people with mood disorders are twice as likely to develop drug and alcohol addiction problems, so this can be a slippery slope for someone with anxiety to go down. Show support by telling them you’re there for them, asking how you can help and listening to what they have to say. That's why, by claiming they have nothing to worry about, you're essentially invalidating their feelings. But in reality, there are anxiety sufferers who do not and/or cannot take the medication and prefer to treat their condition in other ways. Ask what they need and then do it, even if their request seems silly to you. There’s a difference between the uncomfortable but rational anxiety we all get in stressful situations and the sometimes paralyzing but illogical anxiety super anxious people like me get in situations that aren’t actually stressful or threatening. According to experts, the one word you should never say to someone with anxiety is "relax." (variations on this statement: “Just do what I did in my addiction treatment,” “You just need to…”) “You don’t have OCD. Don’t offer unsolicited advice unless you’ve been trained to treat people with anxiety disorders or you have one yourself. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. Listen without judgment to what they have to say and what their experiences are like. What are some alternatives we could use? Being there for someone even when you can’t relate is a powerful way of showing support. Another comment worth avoiding? Here are a few things not to say to someone with anxiety—and what TO say instead. While everyone experiences anxiety, people experience differing degrees of severity, says Ty Lostutter, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in anxiety and treats patients at University of Washington Medical Center and Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Not to mention it's a pretty heartless thing to say to someone who's suffering from a true disorder. "A person experiencing anxiety has perceptions and thought patterns [that] are broken and distorted," Katie Bennet, a certified coach and co-founder at Ama La Vida, tells Bustle. But the truth is that anxiety … DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds. Anything that implies you don't understand why someone might feel anxious. That'll only make things worse. Around 19 percent of the U.S. adult population is affected in any given year. There ARE ways to help ! A unique kind of awkwardness blossoms each time I tell someone I have an anxiety disorder. Constantly asking them for a status update can make them feel pressured to get better now. Even though your heart's in the right place, encouraging them to "get over it" or pressuring them to "just calm down" can do more harm than good. They may have the best of intentions, but their words can have a contradictory effect. "Telling them to calm down is not empathetic and insinuates that they are choosing to have an anxiety disorder," counselor Montigus Jackson, MS, LMHC tells Bustle. ". (True story: Nothing puts a damper on date night quite like saying, “Hey, so I’m really into you but I kind of feel like I’m going to die right now.”), Opening up to others is hard even if I’m close with them because I don’t know how they’ll respond. Panicking about taking a bus because you’re afraid of having a panic attack on said bus (true story) doesn’t. (Guilty.). What you’re stressing about won’t even matter in a year. If you notice a person suffering from anxiety or having a panic attack, there are certain things you should and should not say. While I firmly believe these utterances are always said with good intentions, they usually do more harm than good. Sometimes, people with anxiety just need to know they have a … People with SAD are at an increased risk for substance abuse disorders and it is never a good idea to rely on a substance as a crutch. Instead say: “What can I do to help you?” If your friend has been dealing with anxiety for a while, chances are they already know what does and doesn’t help them feel better. “You don’t want to shame them or not acknowledge they’re suffering,” Lostutter says. Anxiety can make people irritable. It may seem obvious to you that nothing scary is happening, but that's not how the anxious person feels. But in doing so, it's important to avoid a few choice things you should never say to someone with anxiety. As therapist Emily Ross, MSW, LICSW says, "When someone you care about is feeling anxious, it may be difficult to understand why they feel the way they do. Sometimes we need a supportive push to help break us out of our vicious cycle of panic and panicking about panic. What we should NOT say to someone about their anxiety (or mental health in general)because not only does it invalidate them, it’s also straight up false. Don't say: “I know, I’m anxious too.”. It takes trust to show that kind of vulnerability. If you notice your friend getting more and more anxious and you know they haven’t sought any kind of professional help, it’s OK to express your concern if it comes from the heart. As Chris MacLeod, MSW, RSW says, "If your anxiety is bad enough, you can't force through it by 'sucking it up'. Although most mean well when they advise that a person with SAD have a drink to relieve anxiety, it is a dangerous suggestion. But when you have a very close relationship with someone, you can offer support based on intimately understanding your loved one’s anxiety patterns. Panicking about the absurd cost of that tiny studio apartment makes sense because you need a roof over your head and can’t magically increase your salary. Everyone with anxiety has different relaxation techniques that work for them—and some people need to do something active, like go for a run, instead of sitting and breathing. "Just get over it." What I’ve learned in my many years of coming clean is that most people mean well. 3. You’re fine.”. But keep in mind that anxiety feels very real, so this comment rarely comes off as intended. … And if you're not careful, your words might do more harm than good. Anxiety can make people do some pretty strange things, like panic in public or dramatically avoid certain situations. A lot of people don't really understand what its like to have anxiety and they say things to people that suffer from anxiety and only causes them more issues with themselves.

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